When I Laugh Now

it comes from my belly. I see La Vie En Rose more than I hear it. Mornings still get me. Lemon honey and hot water have cleansed me of my heavy.

This time last year I had so many many split ends. So I uprooted everything. Made use of the bitter. Soaked up the sweet. I learned to ask myself before I asked the world. Learned to weave nightmares into dreams. I sat still. I let the cold air touch my lips. held my breath and exhaled the ugly. I stopped being afraid of myself in the mirror. I cried. Said it was ok if the old parts of me died.

Now I want to live by the water-- sip up all the calm this life has to offer. Now when I say no it feels magic. Like every woman who can’t pours into me. I speak my words like they are mine. My head tucks gently between my shoulders. My nose is crooked and my teeth are always showing. It’s Like I have never been more free. Like i have finally found the map to get back to me.