Crying Only Gets Me So Far.

And so dig my nails into the earth and unhook myself from whatever strings have attached themselves to me.
My lemon ginger tea costs me four dollars and eighty seven cents. It’s NYC so I swipe my card and budget later.Tell myself that it's worth my peace of mind. Wonder what’s next. Dream about the things I don’t have. Blame them on the world. On my job. On my boyfriend. On my parents. On anything aside from my own lack of movement.

I shake it off.
I’m on top of the world.
What else is there to do when enough is enough?
When your heart is racing
and head is spinning
and life keeps promising things then taking them away.
What’s there to do when pain and joy and love and loss have been spooning all night long.So entangled that you can’t quite tell them apart.

What is there, really, when it’s quiet?
And the tears have dried up
And you’ve already drank your gallon of water
And brushed your teeth
And done everything the books told you to.

I think that’s when you let it sink in
All the dirty things you’ve been trying to clean up.
I think that’s when you sit down
and inhale.
Count to ten
Make peace in knowing things won’t change on the exhale.
You’re not there yet.
Let yourself feel that foggy uncertainty.
Stop for a moment and don’t think.
Sink your feet into the ground
Shake or get cold or let your cheeks flush.
Downward dog until your hands are red and knuckles are hot.
Look beyond every “what if” that feels like it could kill you.
Realize you are still gloriously alive
And maybe you have more to go but you have won the battle
You keep winning every battle.
And I think that means you’re going to win the war.