Tonight New York City

turned into magic. I swear I've never seen more magic than I saw here. Tonight.

I believe in magic and I always have but this magic, this abundance of love and sacrifice, and ugly dirty with all these ugly disgusting people-- it's so gorgeous.

The way everyone here feels like nobody when they're somewhere else, and the way this city strips people of their fears and opens up their eyes to their dreams.

it's like magic.

Yesterday, after my boxing class, that kicked my ass, I sat outside and I just watched-- in awe, of the life here and the way it makes people shine and I think that some people will say its just the street lights. The way they flicker on people's faces that make them glow like that. But I swear it's not.

It's this city.

The way it blesses people and makes people feel lost and found and hurt and happy all at once.

The way its cracks you open when you want to be closed and you can't avoid looking at yourself in the mirror too long because this city won't let you pretend to be bullet proof anymore.

And the way it lets you let go.

The way it forces your hand when you have a clenched fist and you're holding onto something smaller than you and this city knows your getting bigger and it forces you to open your hand and let it go.

This city sleeps with you and it wakes with you and it becomes your blood and bones and breath and air and sure the air is toxic but it's clean, and there are so many things breathing it in that sometimes it starts to feel too small to share, but then something happens and you find yourself alone, on the A train with $197.00 in your checking account, and a frizzy 10 year old boy who shakes your hand and asks you if you'll help him with his English homework.

and that's when you know that this city is like your heart.

It keeps beating and making things new and just when you thought that this city was hunting you, you realize that it is your roots. And that it has been begging you to grow here.

This city has never spent a day not loving you and this city keeps putting you in places you didn't think you were meant to be and this city has rats and freak shows and everyone here smells like a sweaty 5:00pm but this city knows that's ok because 5:00pm is just another way to say happy hour.

This city will take everything from you and in its place it will give you everything you thought you hated (this city) but this city killed you with kindness and now you know that it is not the enemy.

This city has been fighting your battles for far too long and it will never ask you for a thank you note so this is a love letter to New York, to you, who in ending me—made me new.